I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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