He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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