After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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