I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
