mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
