There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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