32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
