I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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