Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
