I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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