3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
