I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot