Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.