All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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