6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize