Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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