so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
