she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
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the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
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Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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