worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
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Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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