you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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