I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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