Got a toothbrush?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
