Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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