Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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