i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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