I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
