Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
