ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
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Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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