the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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