I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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