I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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