I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I forgot wine drunk hurts
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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