i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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