If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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