Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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