I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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