I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.