I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??