I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW