1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober