Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.