i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.