...so i touched it.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕