WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??