sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
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My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off