alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????