I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.