the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.