oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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