Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
