Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
