do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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