she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize