I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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