Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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