fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
