His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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