allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize