Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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