my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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