So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
